The Internet
by MonsturrBonesxxx3
Summary: When Bruce has nothing to do, he succumbs to a chatting website and meets this guy who seems pretty cool. Turns out the guy is his worst enemy ever. How awkward . . . now what? Batman/Joker
1. Chapter One: One Quiet Days Like These

Title: Chapter One: On Quiet Days Like These  
Genre: Internet Chatting, Romance, Humor, Angst, Blood - lots more.  
Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman)/Joker  
Rating: This one will most likely range from PG-13 to R. Later scenes will be a _lot_ more intense.  
Summary: While browsing the internet on Bruce's day off, he finds a chatting website, and decides _'What the hell, might as well check it out_.' After making his account and spiffing up his profile, he searches for a room that fits his needs, and he stumbles upon one that's named _'The BK Lounge._' Good enough, right? So he enters, and he's sitting there, reading the conversations, typing in his own thoughts at the right moments, and suddenly he's talking to this guy who's _exactly _like him. And the guy lives in Gotham, how coincidental!  
Author's Note: Yeah, I kind of made up some of the shit in here. Their birth date's are the actor's who played them, not their's, since I don't know the Joker's or Batman's actual birthday. Hope you like it though! COMMENT PLEASE!  
Disclaimer: This stupid disclaimer crap makes me think of how unfamous I really am. No, I don't own Batman :'

On quiet days like these, Bruce didn't really know what to do. The Joker had been still since Sunday, after he decided to blow up a candy store at 6:45 PM, so he'd had three peaceful days to go to work and get stuff done. Today though, he had a day off, and as he took a seat in his computer chair, a bowl of Lucky Charms at hand, still dressed in nothing but pajama bottoms; he stared at the screen and contemplated over what he would do.  
Yes, Lucky Charms. Bruce was human too, and he happened to find the marshmallow-y morsels to be tasty. He may not be a kid anymore, but that didn't mean he had to drop all his kid foods too.  
He took a spoonful and shoved it into his mouth, licking the milk away as he stared at his computer screen. _What to do?_  
There were no bills that needed to be paid; no business things to be done; nothing. He had nothing to do, and the Joker didn't seem to be on the attack either, so that meant no late night patrols as Batman either. He could go to a party . . . no, let's reface that; he could _have _a party. But who would he invite? Tons of people who thought they were his friends? _Don't I do that anyway?_  
A sigh escaped his lips as he kicked his feet up onto his desk, leaning back in the chair with a thoughtful expression on his face.  
The internet was a very interesting place. He could browse, couldn't he? Bruce set the bowl down beside him and removed his feet from the desk. Pulling himself closer he grabbed the keyboard and brought it forward, and then proceeded to type.

The Joker _hat_ed mornings. _Especi_ally today, because his head was ringing in his ears, and it _irrit_ated him. He hadn't bombarded the city in days, either, so he was growing bored just sitting around. But inall _hon_esty, he just didn't know what to do next. He'd blown _every_thing he could possibly consider blowing up, and no one seemed to be _go_od enough to kill lately. The Joker _nev_er ran out of ideas.  
He licked his lips in front of the mirror, examining his worn out make-up with fascination. Look_ at you! You're losing your _spark_, your creative _fla_re. Your audience is _wait_ing for you, and you're_ _letting them _down_? You gotta' shape _up_, gotta get in the _mood, _Joker.  
_The Clown Prince frowned deeply at his reflection, and flickered his tongue out to wet his lips. He didn't have that _us_ual glint to his eyes; didn't have that _blood lust_. _Behind_ the make-up, he was peach colored; human, and he _knew _it. That's what pissed him off most.  
He turned the sink on, let the water _po_ol in his hands, watched it as he brought it up to his face and splashed it against his skin. It didn't take it all off, but that's why he had a towel with him, so he could wipe the make-up away. He made it a slow process though, watching each tendril of paint peel off from the rough surface of the cloth in his hands; watched as he revealed soft, _human_ skin.  
He stared into that mirror, at the man looking back at him, and he _growl_ed at himself. He _ha_ted the way he looked without his make-up. Too _hu_man. It made him feel _vul_nerable, _weak,_ like he was just another man in the world, like he _did_n't have a purpose.  
He grabbed a giant globof the white paint and quickly scrubbed it onto his face, smoothing it over every inch of skin he could find. When he looked back up at himself, he looked like a ghost; a _thi_n, _fra_gile, _gho_st.  
The eyes were next, and he took a small sponge and dabbed it into the black face paint container. He closed his eyes and relaxed as he rubbed it over his eyes, around them, and when he opened them back up the reflection staring back at him in the mirror looked like a freaking _rac_coon.  
An exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he rolled his eyes licked his lips, looking back at himself, with a forced smile, acting as if it was just a _joke_. But wasn't life just _one, big, fuck_ing _jo_ke?  
He shook his head, watching his curls wave back and forth, then fall right back into place. They never did anything else. Even when he weighed them down with water, they'd simply dry back into a curly state. It bothered him, but at the same time, it didn't. He didn't really care, but he _did_. It was complicated. Whatever.  
Rolling his eyes he grabbed the stick of lipstick beside his opened face paint cartons, and with a giant smile spread on his face, he smeared it over his lips and scars, and when he finished he sent he blew his reflection a sarcastic kiss. _Beautiful as usual, with bruises on your ego.  
_His stomach broke his stare, as it growled loudly, whining for food in his ear. Food. That's what he needed. Of course, his hunger could never be suppressed by _nor_mal human food. No. He'd need to kill some people too, which is probably why his appetite had grown a little haywire lately. _Shut _up, _you _ gree_dy bastard._  
He patted his clothed tummy gently, as if it was a dog, and he whispered little nothings to it.  
Now, what the hell was there to eat? The Joker pursed his lips as he exited the bathroom and entered the sorry excuse for a kitchen. It wasn't his apartment - he'd killed the owner three days ago after that candy parlor heist, and he'd stolen the key and made it his temporary place to chill.  
The cupboards were full of food, and his eyes roamed over the boxes of cereal, until he found a box of Reese's Puffs that caught his attention. That's something he hadn't had in a while. He grabbed the box and kicked the fridge door open, grabbing the half full jug of milk from its place on the shelf.  
A bowl. He needed some kind of bowl to eat his cereal in. Searching the cupboard, he found his prize, and poured the small crunchy peanut butter and chocolate bites into his bowl, and then smothered it in milk. His smile grew in size as he watched the small puffs drown in the white liquid, and suddenly realizing his bowl was practically overflowing, he stopped what he was doing and stared at his mess. "How _sad_."  
Shrugging, he grabbed a spoon from the silverware drawer and his bowl, and made his way to the living room. There was a TV in there, a couch, and a computer on a desk, and spin-y chair that was for the computer. He eyed the piece of technology called a 'computer,' and clicked his tongue in thought. "How . . . _civi_lized."  
He half skipped over to the small chair, letting his milk and cereal splosh about in the bowl, leaking over the edges, but he ignored it as he plopped down into the chair and spun around a couple times. Satisfied with his work, he stopped with his foot, and stared at the screen before him, bringing his spoon up and shoving it into his mouth.  
"I don't think I've ever used one of these _doo_-hickeys before."  
His lips suddenly twitched, as a large smile grew on his face.  
"Wonder what I could find on this so-called _inter_net."

He'd found a chatting website. Didn't know if he wanted to go on it. Fought between himself, one side of him saying how childish it would be, the other saying, who really gives a shit.  
"Why not?" Bruce grunted to himself, staring at the screen that was asking him for his preferred username and what would be his password. "It's just a chatting website."  
His tongue flickered out of his mouth and licked his lips, but suddenly he realized what he had just done.  
Bruce's eyes widened, and slowly, he reached his hand up to touch his lips. _Just like him_. He flinched when his hand touched his wet lips. Had he really just done that? _He's rubbing off on you, Bruce_.  
The brunette shook his head, "I'm making an account."  
_Username: DarkKnight34  
Password: 01bat30man74  
First Name:_ _Bruce  
Last Name:  
_He paused. Nobody needed to know his last name. Then everyone would be bothering him, asking him if he really was the all-mighty billionaire Bruce Wayne. Lie. It's alright.  
_Last name: Dayne  
_He actually allowed himself to snort at the sorry attempt at a fake last name. _You're _real _creative, Bruce.  
Email: _  
_ZIP/Postal Code: 13067  
__Country: US  
D.O.B: January 30, 1974  
Gender: Male  
Enter the text you see in the image below: kekxf  
Have you read and accepted the terms and conditions? Yes, I fucking have. _  
Click: Continue.  
He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, as he stared with some kind of triumphant air to him at the screen that now read 'We have sent you a confirmation email.' Lips twitching in a smirk, he went off to check his email.  
_And the childish games begin.  
_  
_Username:  
_The Joker stared with a frown at his computer screen. What the _hell _was he getting himself _in_to? He clucked his tongue as he rolled his eyes, slowly settling them back on the screen as he stared at that one simple little word. What the _he_ll was he getting himself _in_to  
_Username: Sangx  
Password: ididyourmomandilikedit  
First name: Jack  
Last name: Ripper  
_Ok, so maybe not. He pushed the backspace button and erased the last name.  
_Last name: Nickle  
_What? It sounded practical.  
_Email: What the fuck is an email?  
_He groaned loudly. You had to have all this _shi_t to make one _frea_king account on some _stu_pid website. Erasing what he had put, he scrolled up and clicked on another tab to go find this _email _thing. They were definitely testing his patience.  
He clicked the first thing that caught his attention, some yahoo shit, and up popped a login screen. So he clicked the 'create an account' and guess what? More _fuck_ing questions!  
_This is going to take _forever!

He didn't exactly know what he was doing, but he knew he didn't want to talk to a bunch of rambunctious, horny teenagers. So he clicked on this chat place for adults, and next he had to choose a room. _How _delight_ful.  
_It was sarcastic, but he was getting kind of aggravated with all this stupid, nonsense. Scrolling down he looked through the room names. None of them really appealed to his better half. Things like '_Love Boat_' and other weird crap where you could have cyber sex. Yes, he knew about that stuff. He wasn't that freaking old.  
Instead he found a room called '_The BK Lounge_' and it made him laugh.  
It also made him remember his cereal, which was sitting beside him, becoming soggy from absorbing much of the milk. _Oops.  
_He shrugged the soggy cereal off, and instead clicked on the chat room. Up popped a loading screen, and he waited patiently for a moment, before up popped a large site with lots of text popping up every second. His eyebrows rose as he read some of the things being said.  
"A. S. L?"  
Maybe he _was_ getting older, because even the old people knew computer text . . . crap.  
A sigh escaped his lips, and he ran his hands up his face and through his hair. _What are you getting yourself into?_

"Finally!"  
The Joker had done it. He had created an account. It took him ten minutes over all to get that _e_mail shit done, but he did it!  
He sauntered back in his seat with a smug, victorious smile on his face. _The Joker - One. Technology - ZILCH!  
_"Now what do I do . . .?" He stared at the screen asking him what room he wanted to chat in. _Teens?  
_He shook his head and clicked on the adults section. There were plenty of rooms to choose from, but he wasn't looking for crap like '_Love Boat_'. His eyebrows rose far up his head as he wrinkled his nose. _So this is for people who are outcasts that can't find love in the real world, and come here searching for a good internet fucking. How _pathetic.  
He sniggered as he clicked on a sensible looking room. '_The BK Lounge_.'  
His stomach growled at the thought of Burger King. A smile rose to his face as a sudden plot rose in his head. Batman and him could have _take_-out together. That uncontrollable tick came again, and he licked his lips, the thought becoming delicious in his mind. _Burger King it is. Remember that, Joker. You're going to high-jack a fast-food restaraunt later.  
_Mental note in place he focused back in on the text popping up everywhere. It was just a bunch of horny adults that couldn't get in the real world, so they sought out a good fuck here. Human beings were all the same.  
He clucked his tongue as he looked for anyone worth talking to on this crappy website.  
_Ugh!  
_He set his fingers down on the keyboard and began to type.  
_Sangx: Is there anyone _smart_ on this shitty website I can talk to?  
ButterflyLady546: Wat, ur too high and mighty 4 us?  
_The Joker smirked at the screen and typed a reply.  
_Sangx: You're right. So why don't you shove those butterflies up your ass.  
_Maybe he would have some fun with this pathetic website . . .

Bruce couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he read the last line on the page.  
_Sangx: You're right. So why don't you shove those butterflies up your ass.  
_He quickly started to type his own little statement.  
_DarkKnight34: He does have a point._  
_PoisonDarts4: If u didn't want to talk to_ normal _peeple, why did u come here?  
_"Peeple?" Bruce rose both brows in question.  
_Sangx: Well . . . I thought_ normal _people were _smart_er than this. U CaN't EvEn SeEm 2 tYpe sMrT. Was that too _complicated_ for you?_ _Want me to tone it _down _a bit?  
ButterflyLady546: Fuck off, bitch.  
Sangx: If I was a female dog on a computer, than I'd be really famous right now. Don't you think so?  
_Bruce smiled at the screen. This guy was starting a freaking war, and he just entered the chat room. Look at all the people ganging up on him. He was fending off like twenty different people, and winning.  
_DarkKnight34: A./S/L Sangx?  
_Yes. Bruce had to ask what that meant the first time, but now he knew. He was no longer an old man who wasn't with it. _I suppose . . .  
Sangx: Excuse me? A/S/S?  
DarkKnight34: Ha, ha, you're hilarious. Age/Sex/LOCATION.  
Sangx: Don't get _cocky_. 26/M/And I don't think you need to know that little tid-bit. For all I know, you could be some kind of psychotic rapist.  
DarkKnight34: You wish, don't you?  
_What was Bruce saying? Jesus, he was smiling and talking to some guy he didn't know like he had known him forever. How funny.  
_Sangx: Fri_sk_y, are we? What about you, big boy. A/S/_L_?  
_Suddenly no one else's typing mattered to him.  
_DarkKnight34: How about we talk privately?  
Sangx: We just met and you already want to un_z_ip your pants and jerk-off? How amusing. Fine. Delight yourself in talking to me _private_ly.  
_Bruce smirked.  
_DarkKnight34: Don't flatter yourself. I'm just saying, as you said, you wanted to talk to someone smart.  
_Bruce ignored the guy's last statement as he sent an invitation for a private conversation. His veins almost bust from anxiousness as his invitation was accepted, and up popped a little chat screen, the first of their new, private conversation starting.  
_Sangx: It's rude to ig_nore_ someone when they're typing to you . . .  
DarkKnight34: 34/M/And I don't feel the need to tell you, since you didn't tell me.  
Sangx: Mm . . . okay. I'll ro_ll _with you on that. Jeez, you're old, though.  
DarkKnight34: And you're young and arrogant as ever, aren't you?  
Sangx: I think that's what made you attra_c_ted to me, though. You did want to talk to me _private_ly.  
_This guy was making him angry with all these sexual jokes.  
_DarkKnight34: Look, kid, I'm not gay, so quit implying it.  
Sangx: Wasn't im_ply_ing anything. Never _sa_id you were. And who said_ I_ was?  
DarkKnight34: I guess I apologize then.  
Sangx: You should, you broke my heart.  
DarkKnight34: Better find someone to sew it back up, then.  
Sangx: Nah. I'll bleed it out.  
_Bruce eyed that last statement. He smiled just a bit. This guy was cool, in a way.  
_DarkKnight34: Isn't that a song?  
Sangx: You tell me? The last song I listened to that was in, is 'I Kissed a Girl'. And that fucking song gets annoying after a while.  
DarkKnight34: But it does sound hot. Anyway. It's by Linkin Park. Good band. Good song. You should check it out.  
Sangx: Maybe I'll check you up on that one.  
DarkKnight34: You should.  
Sangx: Are you bossing me around?  
DarkKnight34: I can play your game.  
_What was he saying?  
_Sangx: I li_k_e games. What game is it we're playing, do_ tell_?  
DarkKnight34: . . . You remind me of someone I know.  
_Bruce settled back in his chair. This guy seemed so familiar, yet at the same time, he wasn't. How was that?

The Joker was having fun, with some guy he _didn't even know_. He espe_ci_ally got a kick out of the guy's username. _DarkKnight34_. How corny. Then again, his was a bit dull too.  
A tiny noise emitted from his speakers, notifying him that the guy had commented.  
_DarkKnight34: Is your name in French? Does it mean 'blood'?_  
The Joker paused for a moment, staring at the screen, a startled expression on his face. Who was this guy? He typed back eagerly, because out of these past three days of doing nothing, this was the most exciting thing he'd done in a while.  
_Sangx: Looks like someone actually did go to college. Do you speak French?  
DarkKnight34: You have to know different languages if you want to make it in this world.  
Sangx: Tch. I wouldn't know any French even if it _bit_ me in the ass. I just looked it up, because you know, it's kind of _hard _coming up with stupid little useless usernames. What inspired you to be a_ Dark Knight_?  
DarkKnight34: As you said. It's hard coming up with a stupid little username_.  
His lips pulled up in a sneer as he mumbled something under his breath. His eyes slid over to the corner of the screen, and he noted it was already past 3:00 in the afternoon. Out of his mouth came his tongue, sliding over his bottom lip involuntarily.  
_Sangx: I will say, it's 3:23 where I live. And I have to leave by four. So, with this stated, is there anything you'd _specific_ally like to talk to me about?  
DarkKnight34: Yeah, it's 3:23 here too. And no, I can't think of anything specific. What's so important at four?  
_"Three twenty-three . . ."  
_Sangx: Do you perhaps _live_ in . . . Gotham?_

Bruce froze. Gotham? Of course he lived in Gotham, but how did this guy know?  
_DarkKnight34: What if I said I did?  
Sangx: Hm. It's a small world _aft_er all.  
DarkKnight34: You live here?!  
Sangx: You could _ca_ll it living if you wanted to. There's someone I just could _never _bring myself to leave behind, I guess. They're too much fun.  
_"Too much fun . . .?"  
Bruce was getting a little too excited for his britches. There was one question he wanted to ask this guy so badly. He needed to know his opinion.  
_DarkKnight34: What do you think on the subject of Batman?_

"Bat_man_." The Joker let the identity of his favorite mammal roll around in his mouth, tingling his tongue. A crooked smile crawled over his face. "Oh, _Batsy_."  
The name made him groan with unwanted and unrequited pleasure.  
His smile fell an unpleasant one.  
_Sangx: Just another crazy man in tights roaming around the city. What about you? What about that Joker character?_  
What a horrible _li_ar he was.

_Another crazy man in tights . . ._ I guess that's what a lot of people felt about him.  
Bruce felt the snarl rise up his throat. Felt himself grow angry, restless, anxious at his arch-nemesis' mentioning. That name was like a ticking time bomb inside of him. Every time he saw that painted face his insides twisted and turned, his veins threatened to explode from adrenaline, and he became something akin to -  
_DarkKnight34: A monster. He's a spoiled-brat who's begging for attention, and the only kind he's getting is negative, so he's clinging to it. I wish Batman would just _finish_ him up . ._ .  
Bruce stared at his screen. _How_ funny_. I wish I could just finish him . . .  
DarkKnight34: What about you? What do you think about the Joker?_

The actual Joker wrinkled his nose and growled. A spoiled-brat? Is that what people _th_ought about him?! He was of no such thing! He was simply a _fun_ny man in a boring world. A_ tur_n of events in an unchanged setting, and this _un_changed setting just couldn't handle his brand new _view_ of the world. It wasn't _his_ fault the world couldn't take a joke. And he wasn't a monster - he was just a_head_ of the curve.  
_Sangx: I think he needs to be punished. What do you think should happen to Batman?  
_He hated the world._Remind me to blow up Burger King, and Taco Bell.  
DarkKnight34: Gotham doesn't need him._  
The Clown Prince stared with a calm, contemplative look in his eyes; his tongue rolling over his bottom lip.  
This man was right.  
Gotham _didn't_ need Batman. _He _needed Batman.  
All for himself. He wanted Batman to pay attention to him and nothing _bu_t him.  
Was it so much to ask for?  
_Sangx: I need to get going now. I should head out early so I'm at work on time._

_DarkKnight34: Where do you work?  
_He frowned at the screen.  
_Sangx: I _work_ at my _job_._  
He smiled, but didn't laugh.  
_DarkKnight34: Will I . . .  
_There was a very long moment where neither end spoke.  
_Sangx: Will you _what_?  
DarkKnight34: Will you be on tomorrow?  
Sangx: Desperate to talk to me_ th_at much? Got no l_i_fe of your own?  
DarkKnight34: No. Believe me, I have a life. I just get bored easily.  
Sangx: Yeah. Sure. I'll think about it. I have a life of my own, too, after all. I can't always be a shoulder for you to cry on.  
DarkKnight34: I must brush off as the desperate type to you, then, because that's certainly not something I would ever do. Tears are something I don't have much time for._  
Bruce waited for a response, dragging the conversation out as long as possible. When the man on the other side said nothing, he sighed, and typed.  
_DarkKnight34: Talk to you later, or something.  
Sangx: My Dark Knight turned out to be a_ los_er wrapped in aluminum foil, because you sure as hell aren't a_ Dark Knight_._  
Bruce raised both eyebrows.  
_Sangx: Yeah, I'll . . . _poss_ibly, _may_be, I don't_ know_ - talk to you tomorrow. By then I hope you'll change your name to_ DesperateLoser34_.  
_And then it said 'Sangx has left.'  
Bruce leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms up in the air, leaning his head back on them. _What an interesting character_.

The Joker stood from his chair and stabbed the button that turned the computer off with his thumb, and proceeded over to the coat rack where he grabbed his purple, velvet jacket and slipped his hands inside. Setting a hat on his head, he smiled as he made his way for the door.  
"Time to go meet the_ real_ Dark Knight at the _real_ BK lounge."


	2. Chapter Two: Burger King

Title: Chapter Two: Burger King  
Genre: Internet Chatting, Romance, Humor, Angst, Blood - lots more.  
Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman)/Joker  
Rating: This one will most likely range from PG-13 to R. Later scenes will be a _lot_ more intense  
Story Summary: While browsing the internet on Bruce's day off, he finds a chatting website, and decides _'What the hell, might as well check it out_.' After making his account and spiffing up his profile, he searches for a room that fits his needs, and he stumbles upon one that's named _'The BK Lounge._' Good enough, right? So he enters, and he's sitting there, reading the conversations, typing in his own thoughts at the right moments, and suddenly he's talking to this guy who's pretty cool. And the guy lives in Gotham, how coincidental!  
Chapter Summary: Time to blow up Burger King!  
Author's Note: It may be shorter than the first chapter, but it's still awesome and action-packed!  
Disclaimer: I never have, nor will own Batman.

Buses. Who fucking liked them? All the people cramped together, way too close for freaking comfort. The Joker especially hated when people _stare_d.  
He just couldn't pry his eyes away from those curious brown eyes staring at him, even though he freaking wanted to so-o badly. The _thing_ in its supposed mother's hands looked at him with that child-like stare, hand secured in its mouth, tooth-less gums sucking away at the tiny digits. Not even his glare made the infant look away from him, it just kept fucking staring! It even laughed when his nostrils flared and he gave a low growl under his breath.  
A scowl escaped his lips as he finally sighed and let his eyes roll over in his sockets, landing back on the creature now reaching out for him, giggling and cooing cutely.  
"You're smelly," he cooed back, lifting up his hands so he could wiggle his fingers at the small child, who bounced with glee at being acknowledged. "And ugly."  
The mother finally looked back at the man in purple, him looking away so his hat and hair hid his face, and she sneered at him with utter hate, turning her child around so it couldn't look at the Joker. Behind her back he made faces, mouthing insults at the back of her head, and innocently turning serious when she turned her head to look at him.  
"You're despicable," she spat as the bus stopped, and she shoved past everyone, shielding her baby as if it was freaking Jesus' kid or something.  
The clown huffed, clicking his tongue and shaking his head, eyes fluttering up and down. "People. They just don't understand artists of my stature."  
He pushed people out of his way as he made for the door, saying things such as, "Yes, move out of my way fat ass," and "Grandma, haven't you ever heard the saying 'Hot before not'?"  
He hopped off the steps, and began skipping down the street full of people, a broad smile on his face as he made his way for the large cheeseburger resting on a building. _Don't let me forget - Taco Bell must be destroyed too.  
_Yes, the giant taco would get its share of fun too.  
The doors opened automatically for him, and he stopped for a second, arms frozen in mid-air as he turned to look at the opened doors with a look of shock. He looked over his shoulder at the cashier staring at him, and he pointed at the doors, nodding his head as he said, "Those are some polite doors you got there, kid."  
No one was there. The smell of grease and fatty foods filled his nostrils. _Perfect.  
_The boy behind the register rolled his eyes, pushing back his jet black bangs and adjusting his cap. He had a weary look in his olive green eyes as the Joker sauntered up to the counter, and his lips twitched into a deep frown. "May I take your freaking order, sir?"  
The Clown Prince smiled at the rude teen, his eyes roaming the other's body, noting how skinny and fragile he looked. So easy to_ break._ He folded his hands on the marble surface, separating himself from the young boy, and he leaned in closer, the smile never leaving his face.  
"Hi."  
The boy's eyebrows rose high, now hidden beneath his black bangs, and his eyes went back to that nonchalant 'I don't give a shit' look.  
"What the hell do you want?" was all he asked, crossing his arms, weight falling onto his left side.  
_Teenagers these days. No _respect_ for their elders. I should teach this kid a _lesson _he'll _never _forget. \pard line _The smile only widened, his ruby lips threatening to dip over those slender, hollow cheek bones of the Joker's. His lips pulled down into what could only be described as a childish pout, and his eyes fell into a puppy-dog look. "Oh dear, and I only wanted to play a little game with you."  
The kid didn't seem phased, only glared harder, trying to look ever _scar_ier?  
Suddenly he licked his lips, and backed away, raising his arms in an 'okay, you got me' kind of way. He quickly reached his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out his knife, launching over the counter and grabbing the kid by the back of the head, pulling him over the top and pushing the blade close to his lips."Hey . . . hey, no, no, no, look at me," he pulled the face forward, the blade nicking the skin of his chin at the same time. Those eyes flickered over, tears pooling in the corners, casting fear at the Joker. "There we go," He licked his lips, smiling wickedly, "I like seeing those pretty eyes of yours laced with fear."  
The kid pulled away again, and once more the Joker pulled forward on his chin, tsking disapprovingly at the struggling teen. "No, no, you're only making it harder if you struggle."  
He let him wear himself out before he pulled the boy closer, smiling at him, showing his scars off, and those eyes couldn't help but stare at them. Noting the attention he was receiving, he let out a low rumble of chuckles. "You want to know how I got these scars?"  
His eyes twitched to the up, almost in thought, as his tongue crawled like a worm out of its hole, moistening the lip underneath. "You see . . . I was a bit of a hell raiser, like you. I didn't like to listen, didn't like to obey. Wasn't my thing," the Joker bared his yellow teeth to the kid, in a giant smile. "So arrogant. So stupid. My father didn't like that one bit, no, no, no, not one fucking bit."  
The blade in his hands pushed deeper, and those gloved hands moved to a more secure position on the back of the kid's head. "He said I had a mouth on me, and he didn't like that. Said I talked too much. Said I was too cocky for my own britches. Well, one day, I pushed the line a little to far. Back-talked him like there was no tomorrow, and mommy was out, so she wasn't there to stop it. Yeah, daddy dearest didn't like that one bit. Didn't like that I defied him.  
"Said, 'You like talking so much, let's widen that mouth of your's, make it bigger. You'll have a reason for talking so much.' He grabs me by the hair, takes out his pocket knife, and puts it against me like this," the blade dipped into the panting boy's mouth, and slid against the edge of the boy's mouth, making blood leak onto the shiny metal. "Don't you want a bigger mouth?"  
The blood splattered across the counter, across his face, sticking in his eyelashes and staining his clothes. He let the body go, watched it fall to the counter, and slowly slide off, falling to the tiled Burger King floor in a clutter of limp body parts.  
A tiny gasp caught his ear drums and he looked up at the stunned frozen figure standing in the narrow hallway, a girl, with platinum blonde hair in pig tails. Her bottom lip had two metal rings on each side looped through it, her ears had plugs in the lobes, the size where you could fit your finger through it, and her cartilages were pierced to the point of overflow. Her nose had a stud on the left side, and the Clown Prince could only imagine what other places on her body could be pierced.  
"Tyler."  
He snatched a napkin from the metal napkin holder beside the register, and gingerly began to wipe his blade clean of any blood. His dark chocolate eyes rose up to the girl's blue ones, and once more his tongue slipped out of his mouth and swiped over his blood soaked lips, tasting the iron-y flavor and shuddering against it. "I'm sorry. Was that your boyfriend?"  
His head raised as he heard her body fall to the floor, and she was huddled over the dead body, tears pouring from her eyes. Feeling his gaze, she looked up at him, horror and hate written all over her face. "How could you?!"  
His eyes widened, and he made his way around the counter, letting his hand trace the smooth marble as he repeatedly clicked his tongue, eyes gazing over the interior of the Burger King he was in. "Well . . . apparently I could, couldn't I?"  
She was watching, holding the body against her chest, cradling the head in her arms with those death glazed green eyes staring off into space. Blood was all over her, and it made the Joker smile. "You see, I had this idea today. I was going to blow up Burger King. You see, I have this really grumpy boyfriend - like you, and well . . . he doesn't seem to pay attention to me enough. So I thought, if I started doing things for him, he'd love me. This is all for him, really. "  
The Joker kneeled down next to the girl, eyes boring holes into her nervous blue's. "But it turns out, he didn't like it very much. Not. One. Bit. He starts coming after me, dressed up like this big, bad, bat - and he beats me up, sends me to this nice little place called Arkham. I only wanted to make him happy. I only wanted to give him the world. I only wanted to see him _smile_!"His temper soared a bit, as he shouted the last part, eyes becoming a monstrous green color, and suddenly he pulled himself back together, smoothing out his hair and letting a casual smile plaster over his white face. "So I did this. See these scars?"  
He raised his head, turned it to the side to give her a better look, and traced over the deep gashes in his face. Then he turned his head forward, and licked his lips. "And he says I'm crazy. I'm not crazy, though, I just _love _him. He doesn't understand, though, and he gets even angrier! Won't see the world from my point of view, won't understand me or listen to me like I want him to! "  
His temper got the best of him again, and he grabbed the girl violently by the chin, his voice becoming murderous, almost as if he was an animal. "Why won't you listen?!"  
"Joker, let her go!"  
Too late. His blade stabbed her throat, penetrating her wind pipe, gagging her of the oxygen her lungs need. The blood was all over, spurting outward, like a fountain, spraying all over him. A far off look settled in his eyes as the girl fell down, and the voice that had spoken became clearer to him now. The malicious grin that spread over his face was against his control - he had lost control.  
He slowly stood to his feet, and turned, facing the man in black standing at the door.  
"Darling, it's been too long. I missed you."  
_I _want _you.  
_  
"You fiend!"  
It was already starting like this. Where his veins boiled inside of him and he wanted to rip the Man in Purple's balls off. The blood all over his face made him look even more menacing, even more crazy, and god was this man crazy.  
"Me? Bats, darling, sweety, baby, what are you talking about? I leave for three days and I come home to this? This relationship of our's is taking a nasty turn." The man was pouting, no doubt, and it was disgusting to see a grown man with that kind of immature face.  
"Fuck off!" He let the Bat inside of him lunge forward, fist connecting with the white painted jaw, the sickening sound of a crack following the body that stumbled backward into the wall - the laughter he hadn't heard in three days coming back to him like a brick falling on his head.  
He came in for more; he slammed his fist into the frail man's gut, grabbed him by the hair and shoved him as hard as he could into the wall, and kneed him in the groin.  
The Joker only laughed harder, and it was almost relieving to hear that familiar laugh, almost as if Bruce suddenly had a pur . . . pose . . .  
"What's wrong?" Bruce looked up at those sparkling brown eyes, just now realizing he had stopped his bludgeoning. "Are you suddenly reconsidering are nightly routine?"  
"I really hate you!" Bruce landed another punch in the man's gut, listening to the crack of ribs being broken, and the laughter that followed.  
"You don't know how much I missed this." The Joker waved a hand in the air, eyes bouncing back and forth around the room, tongue darting out on cue to wet the man's bottom lip. "I did nothing over these past few days. I got so bored I went on this chatting website and talked to this dude I didn't even know."  
"What?"

The Joker paused at the sudden disbelief in his Bat's voice. "Jealous that I talked to another man, love? Not my fault you're not working harder to keep this relationship going. While I'm slaving away, you're still beating the shit out of me. Talk about abuse." -  
"No. A website? You chatted?"  
Green eyes went curious, and for once, the Joker looked stumped. "Yes. I. went. to. a. chatting. web. site. I talked to some dude, from Gotham, and - oh, get this, his username was DarkKnight34."

"Jesus Christ . . ."Bruce dropped the man, watched him fall and cringe, watched the way the Joker's head lolled over to the side and his eyes flinched up at him. "Couldn't you have set me down a little more gently?"  
Bruce ignored it, he kneeled down and looked dead serious into those green eyes. "You're an asshole."  
The Joker made a face, that read 'what the fuck' all over it. "Well, sheesh, if I had known this would've made you jealous I would have done it a long time ago. So, what, have you suddenly realized how badly you want me?"  
Long, bloody, eyelashes fluttered sensually toward the man in black, and a fit of giggles escaped the Joker's mouth, but it didn't last long, because it turned into choking as Bruce wrapped his hand around the thin neck of his enemy's.  
"You said I was just another crazy man in tights!"

It was a slow process for the words to sink in, but when they did, the Joker was shoving his fist into the other man's mouth full throttle. He stood with a snarl on his face, his eyes wild and he spit blood from his mouth, and wiped it with his purple jacket sleeve.  
"_Y_ou said I was a sp_oi_led-f_uck_ing-b_rat_,_ beg_ging for attention! You said I was a m_ons_ter! You said you wished Batman would . . . fini_sh _**me** up!"  
He watched the man come back at him with another raised fist, but he caught it, his anger turning him into the most dangerous weapon one could think of. He smiled as he twisted the arm around, testing its flexibility, savoring the flickers of pain licking up those dark blue eyes, until _snap, crackle, POP!  
_"Sounds like you just broke your arm, doesn't it?"  
He threw the useless man backward and stepped over him, bowed down low so he was leering over top, watched that mouth hiss and those eyes glare deeply into his soul. "Oooh, I'm going to l_ov_e this!"  
The Joker twisted his head to the side, cracking his neck, and then he stared down with hungry eyes at his little tight wearing mammal. Reaching down he grabbed the man, lifted him up so there chests touched, made it so he was a breath away from those tempting lips and dark blue eyes. "Is that what you think of me, Batsy? You think I do this for my_self_, so everyone will look at me. Well you're wr_on_g!"  
He sunk his teeth into the man's bottom lip, nice and sharp, pulled away and wa_tch_ed the blood dribble down Batsy's chin, and then he licked it away, and sucked almost lovingly on the wound he had placed on Batman's lip.  
"_Lo_ok at me," he whispered, calmly, letting one of his hands release the man to run a shaky hand down the side of his face. Those eyes refused to budge, though, and god, he was pi_ss_ed! "Look at me!"

Bruce flinched as he looked up into those restless green orbs, now caught in a trance, and god, this was what he was afraid would happen if he looked up.  
"Are you sc_ared _yet, Batsy? Look at me, you're driving me cra_zy_!"  
Bruce lied to himself. Told himself he wasn't scared, because the Batman didn't have time for things like that. He looked up with blank eyes, and whispered, "no."  
This angered the Joker, it was clear by the way his upper lip curled back in a snarl, and his nostrils flared dangerously.  
"O_ooh_, but you sh_ou_ld be. No, no, Bat_sy_, you _rea_lly should be."  
Batman looked away, tried to ignore the man above him, but this only made the Joker more angry. His hand grabbed Batman's chin and lifted his face up, nails digging into the smooth pink flesh, letting who knows how many germs get into his body.  
"I _won_'t be ign_or_ed! Listen to me, Ba_t_sy, because I'm sick of you throwing me away like a piece of tra_sh_!"  
"That's all you are," Bruce whispered, low and to himself, but it didn't go unheard.  
He was dropped, suddenly, and he watched the Joker withdraw to the corner of the Burger King they were in, watched those eyes become nothing but glossed over glass. He was mumbling something under his breath, but Batman couldn't make it out, and he didn't know if he wanted to either. He took his communicator out of his pocket and dialed Commissioner Gordon's phone. Time to get this crazy back to Arkham.  
"It's funny how you're the one that I need," Bruce looked down at the man now confronting him in a soft voice, "And I'm the one that you loa_th_e."  
He wouldn't complain with that statement.  
"It was a really coincidence that we found each other on that chatting web site. We were drawn to one another, no one else, and we got along great. Next thing you know, I'm trying to blow up Burger King and you suddenly go back to that hate-love thing you've got going on for me. The funniest thing about all of it is . . ."  
Bruce was trying to ignore the Joker as he babbled on about _the past_, and tried to talk to Gordon instead.  
One little comment threw him off though, and made him hang up. "You wanted me."  
Finally those eyes were on him, knowing, mocking, green as ever and still a little far off. Bruce growled at the slumped clown in the corner, and strode back over, leaning down at taking that white painted chin in his hand, noticing the peach color that was produced as some of the paint smudged off onto his glove.  
He tipped the face up, making those eyes look at him, and they were very willing as they stared up at him, a familiar smile spreading over the Joker's face. "**You **_wan_ted **me**."  
He noted the way the man groaned as he slammed him into the wall, smile snaking up his face, eyes fluttering open to stare needily into his own. "Come get me . . ."  
His emotions were raging inside of him, but he'd never admit this out loud. He rose to his feet, bringing the man with him, and twisted his whole body around, throwing the man into the wall on the other side. Gordon would be coming, he had to be fast.  
Stomping over to the Joker, who's mouth was letting a mix between a strangled moan and a hoarse laugh out, he picked the man up and shoved him into the wall a second time, growling as he did.  
The Joker let out a cough, and blood escaped his mouth, speckling Bruce's gloved hands with red dots. His smile was full force though, never ending, never fading. They were both panting, tired, worn out, in pain.  
"Sometimes . . . I dream about you," the man choked out, his tongue weakly flitting across his bottom lip, licking away the blood. "And you're harder than I am right now."  
The Joker laughed as he looked down with Batman, just now taking note of the indeed there bulge in his crotch area. "And you're screaming, writhing, panting against me. Our bodies are tangled to the point where we don't know who's who, and there's blood all over, and finally . . ." -  
Batman didn't want to hear it, he dropped the man to the ground, and made his way for the doors. Behind him he heard the man whisper something, but he didn't care, he exited the doors that opened automatically for him, and sauntered over to his Batmobile.  
Never again would he search the fucking internet. NEVER!

The Joker watched the doors close behind the cowled vigilante, and he leaned his head against the back of the wall, letting his eyes fall shut. He welcomed the darkness, craved for sleep, wanted the ringing in his head to go away. He wanted _Batman_ to make it all _go away_.  
He heard the doors open again, and all the footsteps coming after him. He felt the arms wrapping around him, his arms being shoved behind his back and hand-cuffed their, heard the voices screaming around him. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, and he groaned loudly.  
_I didn't get to blow Burger King, or fucking Taco Bell up!  
_How depressing.  
He fought his eyes awake, and watched as he was hauled for the doors, to a swat truck that was visible through the clear glass of the doors. They opened automatically for him, and as they shoved him into the truck he stared at that door good and hard.  
Under his breath, a smile tugging at his lips, he looked over to the guard next to him who looked at him with complete disregard, and he pointed to the doors.  
"Those are some polite doors, aren't they?"


End file.
